Its A Losing Game

Like an idiot I some how lost the other blog I just wrote..to sum it up I miss Kayla and I miss Kenzie and I my Randy and Soni.

I decided I was going to add pictures to this one and when I went to Kaylas page I saw her head start picture and I knew I wanted to add that one.

Looking at younger pictures of her and Kenzie..I can't help but wish I could go back in that time. Go Back to when we were all so little. When life was easy and everything seemed perfect in our lives..

Yes there are days that I dream of being able to stop this from all happening. That only makes it harder. I wish I could make this all go away. I want to go back in time to being little girls and telling them to be safe...

I feel like a terrible person because some days its hard not to be angry at the girl that was driving. But I know it was an accident I know she would take it back if she can. I know that. But I am human and I want my cousin back. I miss her crazy postings on facebook. I miss texting her anytime something reminded me of her. Sometimes I text her just saying I miss her. I called her cell phone one night. I just miss her. The pain somedays is like mourning a death. I hate that because shes alive and yet here I am crying over a loss.

The world that doesn't know Kenzie really doesn't know what they missing out on. That makes me sad. She is so bright and beautiful. She's her own person and was never afraid to show that. I wish I could enjoy her more. The world is a darker place...

I think of me growing up and someday getting married and having kids..and that makes me sad. Things that I look forward to are things she won't get to enjoy. Some man out there should be heartbroken because I know she was someones soul mate. She would of been an amazing mom.

This is why its hard not to be angry at the drive sometimes. I don't blame her but somedays you need to angry at someone to get over the sadness. But know it just makes me feel worse.

Fighting with my feelings is a norm..

I been planning a Zarn family reunion for the last year..now I am torn if I should continue. I don't know if I can.

Today I am sad, lonely and heartbroken..just heartbroken


enjoy all the old pics..the last one is of the Zarns