123

123- it's the first numbers we usually learn. Its the first numbers we can count too.1+2=3. In baseball its 1, 2,3 stricks your out in ol' ball game. 123 days since Kenzie has gotten in the accident.

4 months=123 days.That's  2952 hours or 177120 minutes or better yet 10,627,200 seconds. It has been that long since anyone has heard her voice. Its been that long since she has been able to walk, tie her own shoes, wipe her ass, get dressed, text, argue with her dad, call her sister, go tend the horses with her mom, giggles with friends, or tell anyone she loved them. Today, I don't ask you to feel sorry for anyone. Imagine if this was someone you loved and they no longer could "live" but their body was there how would "you" survive how would you get the energy day after day to let them know you loved them. Then imagine you are the person that can not talk or barley move all your limbs. I'll let you know something, my mind is scary place. I would not want to be trapped in it. I cry because I miss her. I also cry because she can't tell anyone how scared she is. It's a guessing game. No one knows if she feels any pain, if she can see, if she remembers. In my heart I believe things..that's what gets me through the day.

Day One I was numb and thought oh God what if she dies.

Day Three I see Kenzie and believe that she will survive and will come out and it will be along journey to recovery

Day 16 I go to see Kenzie with cousin John and I believe she will open her eyes any day. me and Aunt Soni talk about how she will scream when she wakes up

Day 26 I learn that Kenzies brain damage is extensive we may never see a change

The days after that seem like a train wreck in my life. I didn't know how to function without crying every other day.

When she was in Seattle I felt lost and helpless.

When she was back in pedi's I felt energized again.

When I learned she was staying in Great Falls and in a nursing home...I've yet to get over the feeling I am feeling. I do not care if you worked in a nursing home and know the care. I'll tell you this she deserves better if that makes me sound bitchy so be it. I hate her there. I miss the people at the hospital. I miss the little kids playing in the hall. I feel stuck like where is there to go from here. Its a freaking nursing home. It's not where my cousin belongs.

123 days and I still feel hope.2952 hours have gone by and I still cry. 177120 minutes and I still pray and ask myself how does she do it. 10,627,200 seconds and I love her more as each second passes.