Jason Aldean

Since the last fundraiser I have felt some what of a failure. I know that I shouldn't, but I do. 

After the fundraiser I kind of just let myself go for a bit. I have really not thought about another fundraiser. I know I will continue but I really just needed a break. I needed a break from it all. I needed a break from being ME. I felt like I disappointed a lot of people including myself and that was something that I needed to escape. So for awhile I went through the motions of life and that is about as far as I went.

My best friend graduated Law School and I had been planning this trip to Vegas with her and friends to celebrate her huge accomplishments. After the fundraiser I thought about canceling the trip. I really felt like I just didn't deserve to go among other things. Then I thought about how bummed Jenna would be and how bummed I would be. So I went. While we were there we went to Toby Keiths "I Love This Bar" and guess who came is JASON ALDEAN. Now this will mean something to some and others it will mean nothing.

When I saw him the first thought that came in to my mind was Kenzie. I wanted to cry, but who wants to hang out with their crying friend at a country bar. So I did really good and didn't get into the sad details with anyone. Anytime I hear one of his songs I think of Kenzie, not because she is a huge fan. Because this is the last memory I have the "real" Kenz. We met at the concert. She came and drug me to the front row. We laughed, screamed, and sang. I stood with her in line as she got a shirt because there were enough boys trying to hit on her that I figured she needed her big bad cousin to protect her. So my love for Jason Aldean has to do with my love for my cousin. No one will ever know how much I cherish that night and that memory of her.

So when I saw him I got emotional. And as we were leaving I decided to stay and wait for some friends. Well as I was walking to the other casino to play this fun machine. I actually literally ran into Jason. All I wanted to do was text Kenzie actually call her and tell her. But instead I smiled to myself and thought about the memories and realized that I need to get over the sadness and disappointment and move on. Maybe some year we can raise a ton of money and get Jason Aldaen or Kenny Chesney to come play at the Shake It For Kenzie. Wouldn't that be a dream come true?!

I decided that I should write this blog after reading past blogs. Its been my motto since the accident to not let the sadness take over my life. I worked very very hard at it and why stop now.

I hope you all had a fun and safe summer.

Until next time take care kids

Much love-
Cousin Katie


Pictures from the fun at the "I love This Bar"

2013 Fundraiser

Now that all of the fundraisers for 2013 are done I get to reflect on what went right and what went wrong. This year has been the biggest learning experience for me. Lewistown and Cut Bank proms were a great success and were a TON OF FUN! thank you all who made these a success and I look forward to going to these towns again and bringing some more fun for some adults!

The Roundup prom was a total bust. I ended up paying way more than I made. We had maybe 20 people show up. Thank you to those who actually showed up.

Shake It For Kenzie, was a little bit of a mess this year. Worked hard on it. After the Roundup prom I fell into a little slump. Everything on the week of the event seemed to fall apart on me. People canceling, promises not fulfilled and scary weather. At noon of the day I was told we may have to reschedule. Needless to say I had a headache all day. And then about 300 the sun came out and never left. It was so beautiful at the zoo. We had amazing music. Sadly our turnout was not what I was expecting. I got less then half of what I was expecting. Needless to say this year was a bummer in the department of making money...:(

So Sunday as I was freaking out about the money and then I got an message on facebook that changed my mood around. Here is the message names have been changed.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get the turnout that you had hoped for. George and I had a great time. I like taking him to things that show him humanity. When we got home, he asked why we went, and I told him Kenzie's story. I'm not sure that he understood much of it, but he did understand what you are doing for her. So, thank you again, for showing us a great example of humanity."

This turned my mood around and made me remember why I started doing this. So thank you for the sweetest compliment I could have ever gotten.

Thank you to all those that believe in me and put your faith in me. I wouldn't be where I am with out you.

I will be taking notes of what I did wrong and will work on making improvements. I look forward to a very successful year next year..

until next time friends...

Cousin Katie

stranger

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I cried, like really cried. I got in my head and couldn't seem to escape the dumb questions I know not to ask myself. How did I get here? Why did I get here?

Three years ago if you would of told me that my heart would be so devoted to brain injuries. I would of laughed and said "brain injuries"? I would of called you crazy. To this day I am not sure why. I think its been a cooping mechanism to deal with the pain.

Yesterday I felt overwhelmed, lost, scared...I felt like I did July 13th. Why 13th? That was the first day I saw Kenzie in the ICU.

So I got out my book of letters that some very kind people wrote about me. I read the one my parents wrote twice and cried like a baby. Sometimes I read the letters and feel like I have never met the person that these people write about. I reread the article in the gazette. Watched the videos online again.

Some days, I feel like I am still in a dream and that I am going to wake up and be 24 again. But in reality I know that's not possible. I couldn't of been asleep for almost 2 years.

It's just one of those weeks were the heart hurts more than normal.

My Mission

I get asked often, "why do you continue to do the fundraiser? does your family really still need help?"

Here is my answers, and the reason that I have started doing all of this in the first place and why I continue to do and what I hope to accomplish.

When I first found out that Kenzie got in an accident, I honestly thought that she was dead. My heart sank and I had no idea what to do. When I found out that she was holding on, the best and only thing I could do was try to be there for my family. This is how I cope with things, I stay busy. When she was in the ICU and we just thought she was going to wake up and be fine. I thought oh my god how are they going to pay for all of this? I thought about doing a fundraiser and I didn't know where to really begin. And then one day I got a facebook message from one of Soni's cousins in Cut Bank wondering if we could do a fundraiser at my cousin Tanyas Bar. This is how the first fundraiser came into play.

As we were getting ready for this fundraiser (about a week before the event) I sat in the ICU and learned that Kenzie was just not going to wake up from this and nothing would be normal again. I completely shut down and it felt like my world fell apart again. I was an emotional wreck and I really did not know how to get up in the mornings sometimes. (I can't even imagine how the rest of the family felt) The night of the fundraiser I was numb, and the love and support from the community of Cut Bank really made me smile and forget about what was happening for a few hours. Then came the Lewistown fundraiser where I basically just attended and watched that awesome community come together for my family. Naomi and Corrie really did an amazing job. Twyla and Nancy are always the first to volunteer with anything and have tried to come to every fundraiser since then. I don't know what I would do without Twyla.

After that things kind of settled down and little by little we heard less from people..or at least I did.

Some where in this time the doctors gave my family the option of letting Kenzie die..not take her off life support, because she was never on life support. Kenzie has been basically breathing on her own. To let Kenzie "go" was to let her starve. Now a lot of people question this decision that Kenzies family made. But I can not imagine watching Kenzie waste away like that. How horrible would that be??

At this time when this was all happening I was wondering what would happen to the life of Kenzie. Would people just forget how amazing she was? How could a 16 year old life just end? How would she be remembered?

That is how the Shake It For Kenzie event started in my mind.

Kenzie loves music. Country music first. But if you see her posts she has a love for all music. This is something I loved about Kenzie. I didn't want Kenzie's memory to go away all together. I think that is a fear most people have of their loved ones passing, is people forgetting.

I thought, I want to do an event where people get to enjoy the summer outdoors and music at the same time. Kenzie loved both and I wanted "Kenzie" to be apart of this. Because after all it was going to have her name in it.  I let this "dream" sit in my mind and brew into this event.

I love planning parties. In junior high in my career class, one of my top three dream careers was a party planner (mostly weddings). I always wanted to do a black/white party or masquerade party with my friends. One day I was talking to my friend Ashley and she had told me she had never been to prom in high school. I was shocked. I think everyone should have to experience at least one prom. AND then I thought HEY that would be a great fundraiser. That is how the adult proms started. I did the first one in Roundup because that is where I am from and I knew if nothing else I could get my friends to attend this. We had at least 100 people show up! Not bad for my first year in my opinion. I had other people saying they wished they had that in their town. Now I took business classes in college and if there is a demand for it I will bring it there. So now that is why there is one in Roundup (May 4), Cut Bank (April 20), and Lewistown (March 30). 

Now when I first announced I was doing a prom in Roundup Amanda Turley was the first to volunteer to help me out. And she may be the reason that Shake It For Kenzie actually became reality. She got me an interview with the Billings Gazette. There I told the reporter everything I wanted to do. Now the reporter must of thought this was a great idea because she called Zoo Montana here in Billings and talked to director and got the ball rolling for me. I can not even begin to thank the Zoo and Donna for all the help they have given me.

I have recently been advised to change the name of this event. I am torn and still do not know exactly what I will do, we shall see.

How I got the bands to play for free last year? I did not beg or anything like that..I just met really amazing human beings who wanted to help!

This year I plan on making this a HUGE event. Look for big announcements later...:)

Now before the accident I was a 24 year old (I turned 25 like 4 hours after I found out about the accident) who liked to have a good time and had no real responsibilities in life. This accident has changed my whole life. That is why I do these fundraisers not only to help my family out but to help raise money for a non-profit group HERE in Montana that helps raise awareness and helps with families that deal with this everyday.

Before this I couldn't tell you anything about a Traumatic Brain Injury. The heart ache I feel is overwhelming sometimes. I am sad and there are days that I cry because I can not take my cousin on a cousin road trip like we were planning on. I have come a long ways since the first day of the accident. But the pain never really goes away you just learn how to hide it better. This is why I continue to do these fundraisers. Yes raising money is important. Because yes my family still needs help. I will not get into details with what they face on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Kenzie is not in a hospital or nursing home anymore. She is at home. There is a lot of expenses. Remember Kenzie flew in a helicopter not once but twice and was taken by ambulance from Seattle to Great Falls. Those alone are HUGE expenses. Also all the money raised DOES NOT just go to my family a good portion of it goes to the Brain Association of Montana.

But the other reason I am continuing these fundraisers is to bring awareness to Traumatic Brain Injures.  If Kenzie would have been wearing a seat belt there is a great possibility that I would not be writing this blog right now and I have no idea where I would be in my life. But here I am. If I could just get at least one person to think about buckling their seat belt, wearing a helmet, or taking some precaution to protect themselves then I think I have made a difference.

And if and when my family does not need the money anymore then all the proceeds that I make will go to the Brain Association. I never want anyone to forget Kenzie. I believe that she really was one of a kind. (but then again she is a Zarn ;) ) So I plan on continuing this, to keep "Kenzie" alive.

If anyone would like to be apart of any these fundraisers please contact me at ktzarn@gmail.com